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I felt insignificant growing up in black culture assuming I would always be held back and down and embarrassed by my creole blood line that was know as dumb voodoo believing hicks that couldn't be trusted. She turns into sea foam when she dies and as her spirit floats in the sky, she eventually earns a soul by carrying out good deeds for a whole 300 years before ascending into heaven. We fantasize that we are going to find the perfect life and happiness outside of ourselves and then we blame the outcome on that man or woman that didn't make us happy , or that new place we moved halfway around the world that turns out not to be the Utopia we imagined. Either because she has lost all hope that her fantasy failed her or because deep down she knows that she set all these events in motion when she sacrificed all she was to try and be something new she assumed would bring her happiness.

When I first started this social media thing I was just posting selfies like all the other girls for fun and personal jumps in my self esteem. Staying relevantly marketable means you have to constantly grow your audience and stay current to be considered valuable by brands or social media careers. I receive loads of messages everyday from people that can start off nice with compliments and support but the moment they aren't getting the attention they want from you or you tell them they have gone too far and have to set boundaries they become abusive and threatening and will troll you and try to hurt your career. Start an online business, write a book or use all those social media marketing management skills you have learned and run someone else's social media business.

I pushed my feelings away and waited to feel differently than I did because I believed I was just gonna mature and arive to a place where it would magically change because I was older. I know better to wait for anyone to resolve or validate the way I feel and expecting it give someone else too much control of my life. You can't be too close because hurt people don't know how not to hurt people, expecially people they actually love. Your life is yours and that's why it's so important to learn to love yourself because in the end it's up to you to to set yourself free from dead end cycle of waiting for someone else to see you as valuable.

It's not comforting in anyway to know that it can be worst; then guilt sets in when you witness the tired and sunken eyes of those that are struggling to keep from being homeless and feed their families. On my ungratefully impatient days I am frustrated with this small house, mad about the heat that has always been in Texas and annoyed by my own children arguing. This small house has allowed me to get my family financial stability and improved my credit for a brighter future to give my children what I have never had. I only crave what I can bring in close enough to truly feel and trust because I need all of my energy to propel myself farward to my dreams that I once was too afraid to even reach for.

What makes this a damaging belief is many people assume from this belief that love is supposed to hurt and so they sacrifice themselves to hurtful relationships because they think that their love has been confirmed real because they are in pain. I was one of those people like all young people are without experience to support my beliefs that thought I knew where I was headed. by far the hardest thing I believe I have done is learned how to forgive myself for not being who I thought I was and forgiving myself for mistakes I made when I truly didn't know any better. It feels like an endless fall but we eventually crash into awareness shapeless and valunarably malleable ready to accept that we were wrong and for the first time in our life's being wrong feels right.

You can use any sugar for this recipe, but keep in mind a sugar like coconut sugar will alter the color of the syrup. The method I used was to add all the ingredients into a pot, bring to a boil stirring until sugar is dissolved, simmer for 15 minutes on a lower temperature, and then remove from heat and cover for an hour. You can also bring the water and sugar to a boil stirring until the sugar is dissolved and then pour over lavender in a mason jar and leave for a few hours shaking/stirring occasionally. Ingredients 4 tbsp fresh or dried lavender 1 cup of sugar 1 cup of water Add all ingredients to a pot and bring to a boil.

I would like to hear that they found a cure for the virus and that the world is better than it was before; but if they say it's all going to hell and we are about to live like Mad Max I don't really discuss with anyone what I do in this career, the branches of this kind of work or how it works because everyone is a critic and thinks they know what other people should do with their life. I've become comfortable with being the wild card weirdo because they actually believe I'm capable of anything and even though it's not in a positive way capable of anything is better than capable of nothing. I don't think any of us are actually who we are meant to be until we find our own way in the world and create our own identity.

The real truth is people that are already racist only get more racist during times like these because they have selective attention to support their racial bias. All they see is those weird videos of white people kissing black people's feet to support black lives, these crazy looters that all look black to them in the dark, and that black people think they are superior like they always have felt to begin with. I support what I know is right regardless of what color the truth rides in on and dispite this cause being designed with all the right efforts in mind there is a lot of fuckery going on that I do not support or agree with. I just kept waking up with very bad anxiety sometimes crying in my sleep to a heavy sense of pain as if I could feel the world screaming and dying around me.

Life has changed for us all since the start of this pandemic and dispite a few things opening up things haven't gotten any better and in some ways My husband and I got so bored of sitting around the house just eating and sleeping in front of the TV that I suggested we go buy fishing licenses and gear. It's been really nice and therapeutic to see the sunrise most mornings and just sitting and watching the water ripple while the wind blows around the smell of the earth and water. The state of our world is uncertain but dispite the challenges I'm greatful for how I'm growing forward and moving through personal obstacles that have always lead me to self sabotage.

I had also intended to try to find as much as I could second hand before purchasing new items, but as you can probably already guess, the thrift stores have been closed for weeks and the consignment sale I normally attend in the spring has been postponed until further notice. Some other great ideas are to use rain boots, an umbrella, an outdoor chair or children’s recliner, a kiddie pool, a water table or a dump truck. The last thing I added to her Easter “basket” was some of her favorite treats Justin’s Organic Mini Peanut Butter Cups. so we don’t consume or use animals or animal by products such as eggs, milk, wool, leather etc.