Faded Spring

It has been a while since I published an Instagram post on Faded Spring. I could blame it on being busy but the truth is I needed a social media blackout, something which I have turned to many times in recent months for the sake of my emotional and physical wellbeing, in the aftermath of dealing with depression, anxiety and trauma.I was always someone who was seen as ‘the happy one’, who filled her days with raucous laughter to mask the pain that was wounding my heart. I was labelled as the life and soul of each room that I walked into and seen as someone who was strong, confident and happy. Little did people know that I was someone who spent her life stuck in a cycle of fear, who would feel guilty and ashamed on a daily basis that she wasn’t this happy go lucky character that everyone seemed to think she was. Behind closed doors I was a mess, having panic attacks on a daily basis, tears streaming down my face as my body would convulse with shakes. I was always someone who felt emotions deeply, whether that was laughter, fear or sadness, and depression was no exception. I used to call it my little visitor, who walked into my life one day and claimed my heart as its own. The dark clouds engulfed me hungrily and spat me into a moody vortex, I was a prisoner in my own mind. I struggled to break free from the shackles of my mind, overthinking and analyzing every little thing until the anxiety and sadness threatened to overcome me. But it was in September that I had a wake up call, after years of living in a limbo zone, where it would almost hurt to live. It had happened too many times for it to be a phase , I needed help, and I needed it now. For the last seven months I have been having Cognitive Behaviour Therapy ,a form of therapy that looked to challenge and change unhelpful cognitive distortions and behaviors, as well as improving emotional regulation. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, that much was true, but what I did know was that I was finally willing to admit that I had mental health issues and I couldn't have made a better choice. Therapy has not only forged my path to mental freedom but has also made me feel freer than ever before. Read more in IG bio! ❤️

She ascended into the roaring flames, that encircled her like a pack of hungry wolves. They nipped at her ankles and devoured her whole,while the shadows danced in carnivalesque delight. She was embroiled in an intestinal maze, but her mind was strengthened by the promise of escape, as she swung through the small intestine and plunged headfirst into the stomach. She could hear the wolves howling in the distance and she knew that she must hurry,quivering with anticipation as she took the self-discovery train around the body. She took notes on her tattered notepad, pen at the ready, would this be the answer to all her questions? And it was there that she found what she was looking for, an iron cage in her diaphragm, lock, chain and key.But alas the cage was guarded by devilish demons, who snarled and spat obscenities in her direction. Exasperated she squeezed out hot salty tears until she was red in the face, as she pleaded with the demons to let her in. Stony faced and as inconsiderate as ever, the demons would not budge, but she would not give up. And then, as if by magic it came to her; it was the mind that would help her conquer those fiendish pricks, she knew what she had to do. And so she thought of all the things that made her happy and glad, not sad and mad. There were precious puppies frolicking in meadows with fluffy kittens. There was endless comedies and musical concerts that crept into wounded hearts and there was the magical salve that warded against Mephistophelian creatures, with hope in its heart. Most of all there was a renewal in self belief, learning to love herself once more with passion and vigor. She loved being loved. Realization dawned and she opened her eyes; lo and behold the demons had disappeared and her cage was opened. What could be inside? And then she saw it, four placards that read as the following; ' I am self-love', 'I am positivity', ' I am hope' and 'I am Happiness. She smiled coyly, the iron cage might have been a metaphor for her depression but the placards were very much real. She would practice self-love, she would seek hope, she would dance in positivity and she would always look for happiness.

#ad While depression can often be a life-long illness, for some like myself, mental health issues can not only be triggered by trauma, low self-esteem and abuse, but it can also be affected by the weather, known as Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD for short. For me I find my mental health can plummet to an all-time low during winter, when the nights are dark, the days are short and the lack of sunshine and warmth, can leave you feeling exhausted before the day has even begun. And I am not alone;known as seasonal depression, SAD is most common during winter, affecting roughly 1 in 15 people in the UK between September and April, with winter's long, dark nights being seen as a trigger for many sufferers. But it's not all doom and gloom, when we prioritize our mental health and take the time to give ourselves a better sleep care routine, we are able to see past the darkness and into the light, where a world of rainbow unicorns and happy sprinkles await our happy return. That's why I am proud to be partnering with @tempur_uk to not only raise awareness about mental health issues such as Seasonal Affective Disorder and its correlative links to depression, anxiety and insomnia, but also to highlight how we need to place more emphasis on a better night’s sleep and how it can boost our overall mental health and wellbeing. Do you find it hard to shake off the winter blues? How do you feel after a good night's sleep? #SADAndSleep

The night was laced with frost that clouded the air with mirage delight, pine cone wreaths adorning small pubs on small side streets that we passed. Dressed in festive pillarbox red and navy blue, the day might have been drawing to a close, but our adventure had only just begun, waltzing through a winter wonderland, that led us to Mead central 'at @hidebarlondon in Bermondsey . It was a small unassuming bar with an intimate quality, not too ostentatious , not too plain,a perfect location for after work drinks with the girls. Plied with crispy mac 'n' cheese balls, the creamy bechamel sauce coated our throats in foodgasmic delight, washed down with @gosnellsmead , that lured us into its honeyed world. Sepia tones overrode our emotions as we tasted the Spanish orange blossom honey on the tip of our tongues, coaxing us into blissful surrender. It was a drink that had swung into a revival era, most popularly known as a drink of Medieval patrons, spanning an era of over 9,000 years, oh how they laughed back then. But how joyous were we to sample the sweet nectar of the bees that had gifted us a drink from the Goddesses themselves, a light spritzy fizz with a dry,clean finish? One by one they glided languorously down our throats, bespoke cocktails clamoring for a turn in the spotlight once more. There was Gosnells Mead paired with rum, an unlikely pairing that danced the botanical tango in our waiting mouths, while Gosnells and Vodka had sharp yet flavoursome notes that was nothing short of beguiling complexity. A third cocktail sat centre stage, with alluring intensity, a whiskey mezcal that was bitter yet surprisingly refreshing, moving with the experienced grace of a dancer, who choreographed her big break. New friends were made, raucous laughter in the dead of night, plied with heartwarming narratives of friendship and love, woven into a patchwork of communal connection. And when the time came to leave, we sipped the remnants of our Gosnells Mead and slunk into the night, inky blue skies littered with cerebral stars. What a magical night it was. @adwaiz @stylishsafiya @wanderfultraveler

I wanted to feel the African heat on my shoulders, basking in its glorious golden embrace. I wanted to feel my heart swell with pride as a new born cub took its first step, animals protected, adored and cherished as they should be, an animal lover at heart. It would make me look to the future and picture how life should be always, an endless adventure of my wildest fantasies come to life. We would camp underneath the stars, watching Alnitak, Alnilam and Mintaka twinkle in the night sky, toasting vegetarian marshmallows in the roasting firepit. We would swim without grace and finesse lost in the moment, heady breaststrokes across the deep blue infinity pool. Most of all we would learn to breathe, as we cast our dark brown eyes across the horizon, where we ate Ugali, dipped and devoured in coconut milk, accentuated by the spiciness of the Maharagwe, red kidney beans that are a staple in the Tanzanian’s diet. And when it was all over and our bellies were full, we would close our eyes and enter dream land, where the veil between fantasy and reality merged once more. What country is on your bucket list? Have you made it your mission to travel more this year?

Born at sunrise, dead at sunset, the orange glow framed her in a golden light, a mirage who was so full of life even in death, I remembered her words of wisdom. Her death taught me to see life through rose tinted lens, to rekindle my wanderlust spirit that had lain in temporary slumber all these years, I would travel once more and my heart would be full. I realized that like a rose, our lives might only be temporary, but in the moment that we are here on earth, we should cherish the experiences that life would bring us, not turn them away with cautious hesitation. So I started saying yes, I said yes to travel, forgoing my inhibitions. I stopped making excuses, the time had come, the world was waiting and I was ready to take its outstretched hand.It was in Italy that I found the salve to my wounded heart, a Philosopher’s potion that I drank in one glorious gulp. The world around me bloomed with colour once more, the lush green hills of Tuscany wooing me into its picturesque fold, I could taste the natural beauty on my overbitten lips. I felt reinvigorated, the scent of grapes trodden underfoot in the nearby wineries, the adventure was only just beginning, and this was my moment to shine. Read More in IG Bio I was challenged to write about my 'favourite holiday' by @yellowzebrasafaris as part of a competition to win a safari, so fingers crossed I win! #tanzaniawithyzs

#ad Ever since I could remember I have always had a love-hate relationship with my hair, feeling vulnerable when my hair was down and not tucked away behind my ears and 'out of sight'. I would twist it up in plaits and wear hair accessories like flower crowns and hats to become my own 'little hair blanket of security', wishing that I had perfectly sleek and frizz free hair, instead of the wild lion's mane that I seem to have. But like all insecurities, I can't hide away behind a mask forever, at some point I need to face my fears head on and show the world another side of me. From the ages of 15-21 I would wear my hair down quite regularly, and then something changed. I seemed to regress backwards, and even occasional trips to the hairdressers wouldn't help me feel comfortable with my hair. But learning to change my mindset around my hair takes time but it's a journey that I am willing to overcome. After all, it was only last week where I showcased some photos on my Instagram stories of my hair down after a blow dry and I was surprised by the overwhelmingly positive response. So many of you told me how much you loved my hair down and 'how I should wear my hair down more often'. I realized that you were right, I need to get out of my comfort zone and show you something a little different from me, because let's face it i'm not going to be winning any hair awards anytime soon. But I will tell you something revolutionary; since I have been using @monatukofficial cruelty free range of haircare, I have noticed a difference in both the manageability of my hair but also how smooth it feels after washing my hair, when other products leave my hair feeling frazzled and coarse. Plus the fact that it smells like a little slice of heaven doesn't hurt either. So I am not going to stop wearing hats and flower crowns because they are very much intrinsic to my sense of style. But what I will do is feature more photos of me wearing my hair down, until slowly by slowly it becomes normalized as part of my hair care routine. Because the key to loving your natural features is to stop being negative about what you have and instead embrace yourself just the way that you are.

As the rain drizzles down my window pane and the clouds are stormy grey, I dream of a holiday not so far away, where the sun is bright and cheerful with its peacocking golden rays and the skies are as blue as the mermaid kingdom that lies beyond the sea, where the mermaids swim happily ever after. In this alluring Spanish archipelago the fantastical possibilities are endless as you swim among the dolphins in the wild and dive off a glossy magazine spread esque yacht into the tranquil open waters, where teal green and navy merge together in one magical hodge podge of mermaids and mermen. It’s a hot subtropical climate here in The Canary Islands, as tourists and locals alike make their way over to the islands with a giant inflatable swan, every year, casting their eager eye over the golden sand beaches, hot underneath our toes. With the water splashing at our feet ever so slightly, we go slightly too pink, a shade above ‘lobster’ in the sun, as our parasols make merry with the cascading waves, white foam spray on the tip of our toes, it’s almost cooling. Read more in IG bio. Sign up to http://liketk.it/2xFdu #liketkit @liketoknow.it to shop the look #LTKeurope #ltkunder50

A quarter of a decade had come and gone, a 25th birthday, surrounded by loved ones, who cherished her dear. Cocktails on the rocks, sipped out of thirsty mouths, laughter in warm open hearts, tears of joy streaming down friends faces. Pink balloons and gift wrapped presents for a country girl lost in the big city of London, where the sheep turn into speeding trains and the cows give way to large glass towers, a world made of glass and ice. But beyond the 'urban' landscape lay @tupilondon where birthdays were made to be celebrated, birthday cake and candles placed before her very own eyes, she blew the candles out. She was never one for celebrating birthdays, but something about this year was different, friends were determined to celebrate her big day. 'No Fuss' she cried, but of course they had other plans, supplying her with copious amounts of food and drink, until she rolled on home. And Tupi's partnership with @adwaiz was no different; the perfect hotspot for after work drinks, or a birthday celebration with over zealous friends. A raucous symphony of euphemisms ensued and an emoji battle commenced, one for the ages, not a dry eye in sight. But it was the tittle tattle of the cocktails that danced among the food that piqued our interest the most; blueberry mojitos sliding down waterpark slides while the mango Daiquiri hula hooped across sandy shores. A delightful hodge podge of world foods in a array of puzzle pieces to explore came next, Asparagus and pea risotto, creamy and smooth, leaping into a patchwork of copious cheese. And the cheese 'fest' continued to commence, halluomi skewers enshrouded in tart guava jam. The night wasn't over just yet as we waltzed outside into endless possibilities, where the drinks would dance in perfect harmony and the world around them would lay sleeping, in a cocktail infused slumber. A special thanks to these lovelies for being part of my birthday week! @_lucy_ellen @theexclusivefactory @whatcorinnedid @wanderfultraveler @michaeljosephhardwick @abbienaija @gracerobinson @gokican @cansuongel @thelondonpetsitter @jesusagudotm and many more! Sign up to http://liketk.it/2xzc5 @liketoknow.it #liketkit to shop the look

In the heart of Mornington Crescent lies a foodie's paradise called @inamorestaurant , complete with a rooftop terrace that is full of character. It's the perfect backdrop for an instagrammable dinner, where red dragon rolls and bang bang cauliflower line our stomachs delightfully and the gin is poured liberally into eager mouths. Mixed with @fevertreemixers , you can feel all your worries dissipating into nothingness, allowing yourself to live in the moment instead of divulging in adult responsibility. Bloggers mingle with smiles on their faces as they sit and chat, while a Gin masterclass is on the cards, as the evening fades into night.Nightfall has come, and our bellies are rumbling as we make our way into the restaurant, bemused by the interactive games that you can play while you wait for your food.We become spectators watching the people opposite us play like kids once more, reveling in the art of living in a world where we peer through rose tinted glasses. It's a comforting thought that is solidified by the arrival of our Pan-Asian food. There are steaming plates of crispy tofu with mixed bell peppers, glazed in Korean BBQ sauce,juxtaposed with crimson red peppers rolled around crunchy cucumber and smooth avocado. But the greatest gift was @quandoo_uk and @adwaiz bringing people together, reminding us that even something as simple as dinner and drinks can turn that frown upside down. And that was the most beautiful realization of them all... A special shout out to these fabulous ladies for a wonderful evening @whatcorinnedid @abbienaija @savinaofficial @alleksana @zoraferaji @yuliyaoleksenko Sign up to http://liketk.it/2xi3t @liketoknow.it #liketkit to shop the look

It would be a night to remember, laced with the promise of things to come. New friendships forged, stomachs sated with satisfaction, stars cascading across navy skies.But for now two friends waded across city crowds with famine in their stomachs and mouths as dry as sandpaper.Lo and behold @allbarone had took their weary hands and brought them into a world of magical realism, where aperol cocktails danced on Vespa's and quenched parched lips. We rode into our imaginations, separated from the realities that engulfed us so hungrily. And what did we find I hear you ask? A group of bloggers with kind smiles on their faces and warmth in their hearts, coming together for a cocktail masterclass, boomarangs taken. Salted padron peppers drizzled with love juxtaposed with halloumi slabs and flavoured relish. But it was the wellness menu that captivated our hearts, allergies taken into consideration, you were grateful. Black bean and avocado salad slid down your throat and the laska danced on the tip of your tongue with delight, teasing you into foodgasm territory. Goody bags provided by @adwaiz were begging to be opened, a bottle of @aperolspritzuk to celebrate a move into a new house, rattling delightfully next to you on the train. But as the night came to an end and socials were exchanged, the start of something brand new had begun, and it felt like you were enveloped in a bubble of magic. So, stomachs filled with delicious vegan and vegetarian food, throats lined with copious amounts of alcoholic beverages and hearts brimming with happiness proved to be an antidote to a week permeated by stress, watching as the sluggishness left your bones and slithered into the awaiting grass. A special shout out to all these lovelies, thank you for being part of a magical evening @cansuongel @bitesbybekah @welltravelledvegan @thefashionmatters @sandymakessense @allaboutanika Sign up to http://liketk.it/2x20m @liketoknow.it #liketkit to shop the look