Janet Lansbury

In this episode: Janet responds to the parent of a toddler who says her son “cries, whines, and screams for everything he wants or needs. ” She’s not sure how to respond

So yes, it can be a little uncomfortable if that adult doesn’t see what I’m modeling and doesn’t take this in, and they don’t care what the child feels or maybe they don’t see them as able to have an opinion yet, and they keep going with what they want to do. We have to do this with adults as well, and it’s not easy for people like me that are more on the people pleasing side generally, but this is the inspiration our children can give us to have boundaries, to stand tall, be unafraid, that we’re going to disappoint people when we’re doing reasonable things. So that’s a journey that I share a lot with parents in detail, depending on what’s going on with their child that I want to help them with. Sometimes there’s a place for that: teaching our child something and also validating the person and maybe helping them to see why they’re reacting the way they are.

This week, I’m answering an email from a parent who’s noticed that her son has a strong, competitive drive, and he seems focused on besting his friends and boasting about it to the point that this parent is concerned that her son’s being unkind and inconsiderate. I don’t know if that’s going on in this case, but that’s a common reason that children will try to make themselves feel better. This isn’t the way he’s going to be forever, and it’s not a sign that he’s an unkind person. ” I would maybe want to explore that with my child a little, not expecting I’m going to get the answer, because my child very likely doesn’t know, but just as a way to demonstrate my acceptance actually, and my interest.

In this episode: Janet responds to a parent who says she tries to create safe spaces for her 7-month-old to explore, but she spends a lot of time at her parents’ house and feels they’re always on edge, telling her daughter “no. And definitely when we’re at other places, if we’re staying in a hotel, at a friend’s house, or at the grandparent’s, we can’t expect that they’re going to have those 100% safe places. Our relaxation, I really can’t say this enough, is the key to our child feeling calm, to our child being able to be a productive explorer, and to be able to focus on their positive activities instead of getting hooked into the stress they feel coming from us. And if we’re in the middle of something and we don’t have enough time to do this, we don’t have to spend a lot of time.