Dawn McCloud

Then, rather miraculously something incredible occurred to me, I could continue to let this comment fester like a blister after a night of Louboutin’s, or, I could take control of the situation and ask myself one simple question. When I think of the countless times I’ve received these words, it’s astonishing. In my 20’s it felt like a minor annoyance, by the time I was in my 30’s, it had become enough to push me right into full-on rage. I never did check with the deliverers of these words to find out if my self-imposed definition and their’s matched.

Then, like a bottle of fine wine, these words mellowed with time and became a delight to consider. Like that bottle of wine, I am far more complex than just an opening act. They didn’t hurt, like some of the other pearls of wisdom I’ve received. I spent so much time trying to figure out what and how I missed out, that I ended up staying exactly where I was.

After years of searching for an answer, this off-handed comment lead to the most important realization of my lifetime. And for years, these words made me feel like I was failing. Today, a full 18 years later, I look back and can’t believe the years spent trying to ‘find my lane’. Now I revere this comment, without it, I may have never found out that I don’t need a lane, and I don’t need anyone else to approve of me.

Someone once told me, “a woman owns her face at 40”, at the time I did A Woman Owns Her Face at 40“. you look good for 40’ sentiment that many think we ladies enjoy hearing (insert eyeroll). I quickly scribbled down my newly discovered definition of the comment that took me years to decipher.