Apryl Evans

A few days after I received a phone call – on a Saturday, mind you – from my OB/GYN that my NIPT test had come back abnormal with a high risk for Down Syndrome, I walked into the offices of the maternal fetal medicine clinic at almost 12 weeks pregnant. I let the doctor know that I still wanted to wait to have the more definitive amniocentesis versus the CVS, but she highly suggested we proceed with the CVS test because she didn’t believe, based on the images seen in the ultrasound, that my baby would survive long enough for me to have an amniocentesis As I got dressed and prepared to walk to the car where my husband and son were waiting, I had no idea how I was going to tell him that our daughter had a miniscule chance of survival, and I am not sure I conveyed that very well through the sobbing that finally broke through the surface the second I sat down in the car. Through all of the ups and downs of my pregnancy with Ryan, I had kept my reactions in the exam rooms to a few tears at most, but in that moment, I couldn’t help but sob uncontrollably right there in front of the doctor and ultrasound technician, who had tears in her own eyes when she walked me to the door.

When your doctor calls you on a Saturday, it probably isn’t good news” Let me tell you – when your doctor personally calls you on a Saturday, it’s probably not good news. I miss the friends that have known me since my formative years – the friends that knew me before so much of the hell I’ve gone through in my life and remember the softer, less jaded version of me. No one knows how to comfort you like your family and your oldest friends when you’re facing the scary side of pregnancy. I’m asking Him for angels to enter our life and guide us through this tough time, regardless of what the diagnosis is (although I am 100% asking the Lord for a false positive).

If there is one thing I have learned from 2020, it’s that even the best laid plans end up going sideways. I grabbed a new bar of soap, a towel, a brand new body scrub AND a new razor. We’ve learned a new vocabulary with phrases like “social distancing” and “virtual learning. My mask is caught in my sunglasses” and “Should I be making sure my mask and my shirt match or is that, like, weird?”