breakmyspell.blogspot.com

i thought it's just time for me to share my mental health especially because last night, I had an argument with a good friend that almost ruined our relationship. i am worried if I don't perfect something, or get awards or recognition, if people talk behind my back, if I am not achieving a lot in a day, if I don't get what I want. it's kinda ironic because here i am, telling you (and myself) to don't care about what people say or think of you, but yes, I still do. the doctor also said that i have these dreams and expectations based on people's perception (of being a transgender, being a successful person, being an lgbt leader) that i don't have to think of.

We cheered for Geraldine Roman as the first transwoman in Congress, and Trixie Maristela and Kevin Balot as they won the crown  in the most prestigious trans beauty pageant in the world, Miss International Queen, where judging is based on criteria set specifically for transgender beauty queens, beyond comedy or impersonations. While most of these are shared experiences in the LGBT community, the moment or jump towards Tricia's life as a mother in the beginning, wherein she told her best friend (Barbs) and daughter (Shirley Mae) that she wants to be a mother, and that she is a mother regardless of her assigned sex at birth, it was clear that she identifies herself as a woman, with her gender roles established, regardless of all the gay cliches that come with it. I think that the confusion also comes from the kind of transgender character that was presented in the film and the fact that culturally there is just one kind of beauty pageant here (notice how the name of the contests that Tricia participate in have the word "gay" in them even though sometimes she's competing in all trans pageant where impersonations and talent portions aren't already parts/segments - see the scene with Kevin Balot in the trailer). But it was very close in a way that it beautifully challenged and changed some of the typical gay cliche's about love, family, beauty pageants, and identity which leads to the understanding of trans as woman, a different type of woman, as a different kind of beauty, but just like everybody else: a human living life and all its difficulties.