sammichespsychmeds.com

I thought 30 years old was about as old as a person could get. I'm "I didn't even drink last night and still feel like I have a hangover" years old. I'm "people are chugging cough syrup with their buttholes and I can't even touch my toes" years old. I'm "I get excited when leftovers fit perfectly in the Tupperware container I picked out" years old.

My middle daughter, six at the time, named them Puffy and Bob. Relaxing in my son’s lap, letting my daughters put little outfits on them, Puffy and Bob were exceptional representatives of their species. I refused to entertain any guilt about our gerbils getting eaten by a cat, because gerbils shouldn’t murder each other. Later, I told all three kids that while poor Puffy had not made it, Bob seemed to be okay.

Your DNA indicates that you ancestors were: 24% the kind of person who walks slowly in front of other people who have somewhere real to be Many 23andMe clients are surprised to learn that the kind of people who walk slowly in front of other people who have someone real to be have been around for hundreds of thousands of years! While today’s people who walk slowly in front of other people who have somewhere real to be are most often found in narrow super store aisles, metro stations as the train is approaching, and airport moving sidewalks, the people who walk slowly in front of other people who have somewhere real to be were once most often found in narrow cave passages that would absolutely have enough room for one cave person to pass another cave person if the cave person in front wasn’t walking right in the fucking middle of the cave path. If you’ve ever found yourself loudly bemoaning the $5.75 a box of snowcaps costs at the movie theatre and then asking the teenage concession clerk what sort of profit the box office was making on said snowcaps before sharing the exact price you could purchase identical snowcaps at the gas station around the corner, you’re not alone! While your ancestors didn’t have movie theaters or snowcaps in their day, it’s likely that your great-great- great-great-great-great grandparents on both your mother’s and father’s side often complained about the mark-up on cave goods at the cave entertainment-plex even though they could have just stopped at the cave convenience store on their way over and smuggled in some cheap cave goods in their cave purses like every other decent cave person.

I want a reminder of who I was before I became a mother. The desire to be a mother has always been part of my identity. My dreams, my thoughts, my personality from the time that I belonged only to myself have faded, and I don’t know who I am beyond being a mother. I know that I want more than this, I know I have goals, but I can’t remember what they are.