Steph Gilman

I don’t need you to remember about my cancer all the time. But overall it’s a very good tradeoff, and I do have other means of procuring cookies if need be.) I don’t know why and I don’t know what it all means, or if it means anything at all. And if I’ve learned anything, it’s that you don’t want to waste whatever time you do have worrying about the things you have zero control over.

As I make my way through hundreds of job postings a day during my job hunt, I’ve been thinking about my current role, which I’d describe as an accidental stay at home mom. Here’s a breakdown of some of the things you’ll be doing: Reading the same book about cars and trucks up to 25 times per day Playing with cars and trucks for multiple hours a day Listening and remaining calm as your toddler throws fits of rage while ignoring your desire to scream even louder than he is Frequent trips to the grocery store and return trips upon realizing you forgot everything you needed Preparing meals every 2-3 hours, half of which will not be eaten or thrown on the floor Singing ‘Wheels on the Bus’ and ‘If You’re Happy and You Know It’ up to 2,000 times per day Driving and walking in inclement weather to various activities filled with other toddlers, most of whom are sick  and want to lick your child Other miscellaneous duties such as: bathing, dressing, nail clipping, doctor’s appointments, music classes, counting, teaching the alphabet, dancing, hugging, chasing, crawling, wiping tears, wiping snot, administering medicine, etc. Heavy lifting throughout the day up to 30 lbs (or more if you choose to lift tiny human and stroller and diaper bag simultaneously) and constant bending and crouching in uncomfortable positions Must be comfortable working with horrific smells and toxic waste Ability to survive and thrive on minimal hours of sleep Ability to accept your house looks like a bomb went off and will for the next 18 years Ability to adapt to constant change in a high-stress environment with no guidance or feedback, except from random strangers on the internet, most of whom are just as clueless as you are Comfortable having your entire existence controlled by a tiny person who doesn’t know how to wipe their own butt

At first I was thinking of a “What Not to Say to a Mom with PPD” list, but then I realized that A) some of these sayings may cause stress and anxiety to any new mom, regardless of her mental health status, and B) you may not even know that the mom you’re speaking to has PPD in the first place since a lot of women don’t speak about it. But don’t make her feel like she’s a bad mom for wanting a moment here or there where she can roll onto her stomach. New moms are often told that they’ll know what their baby wants because they have a sixth sense built in that gives them an innate understanding of their child’s needs. Telling a mom that her spidey sense will kick in and she’ll instantly know all the answers is a load of poo-poo (yes, I only speak in baby terms now).

You’re crawling now and so curious about the world around you. You know that feeling where you’re somehow sad and overwhelmingly happy at the same time? I won’t say I didn’t know what happiness was before you came into my life, because that’s kind of a silly thing to say. You’re already making this world a better place and you’re only a wee baby.