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Recently Hank, the thirteen year old, told me he’d like to be a high school football coach when he grows up. He didn’t want to be a college coach because he’s heard it’s too stressful but high school sounded good. He continued ‘I don’t know for sure if I want to do it, though, because I don’t know what I would say to the team if we lost.’ I told him ‘well, you could probably google ‘what to say to a team if you lose.’ See? This is the child that told me four years ago that going back to school after Christmas break felt like a ‘turnover on downs.’ Oh, he’s not the only one still obsessed with games from the past.

I once read that from the time a child is born until they graduate you’ll have nine hundred and forty weekends with them. When he’s away I send him texts and get these one word answers for replies. He’s in New York right now with Billy. I won’t be checking his location when he’s in college.

This year this is how the days leading up to the twenty fourth looked: Friday we had Christmas with my family, Saturday we had Christmas with my Dad’s family, Sunday we had Christmas with Billy’s family and then came Monday where it’s the Christmas Eve service, going out to dinner, going to look at Christmas lights, then coming home for our advent activity, leaving out cookies for Santa and then heading off to bed. There’s too much snark and there’s too much sarcasm and it’s Christmas Eve for Pete’s sake ‘Fine, let’s just skip looking at lights this year and go home! I mean, did I send the teenagers to bed by saying ‘My face has seen your faces enough today.

Hi Damien, I’d like to introduce you to a better attitude. Hi Henry, I’d like to introduce you to the fact that you live with us and not your best friend. It’s me basically trying to cull their shenanigans and them thinking I’m super lame for doing so. Look, here’s the deal, I just need to one creature in this house that doesn’t have an opinion on my ability to cook, clean, drive, parent, and breathe.