derailingmydiagnosis.com

Survivor’s guilt is something I knew nothing about prior to entering the gates of Cancerland. Though it wasn’t until the most recent loss of an incredible woman in our cancer community, I never experienced survivor’s guilt. Survivor’s guilt is feeling like you are wasting the chance you’ve been given. Survivor’s guilt is the burden of life amidst the reality of death.

He said that I would lose my appetite and that I needed to focus on consuming more calories than I was used to, to ensure that my body remained strong. I would lose up to ten pounds in one week and feel great, but as soon as I went back to consuming my normal diet, my body would revolt. My body and mind felt so rejuvenated after the thirty days, that I decided to go forward with a vegan, primarily Whole30 What I’ve learned by eliminating inflammatory foods is that my body functions best with real, natural, unprocessed foods.

Simply put, my faith is abundant because it rests in my Savior, and my fear is present because it rests in a scan. It’s hard to believe that it’s been only six months since my last trip to the hospital! It’s something I have looked forward to for years, and it’s hard to believe it’s finally here. Though this isn’t our first rodeo and we aren’t expecting news other than the positive kind, fear and anxiety are present, but we are full of faith and cautiously optimistic for good results!

My life has moved forward, there’s no need to step back there. The past is the past, let it go. The time had come when I would walk through the hospital doors for the first time in nearly two years. God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up.