I am so sorry you suffered through the indignity of having an intentional sexually assault when you were only fourteen years old.
I know that you suffered from this attack, even though your abuser was “stumbling drunk” and couldn’t perform the act.
We all have to live with the memory of that horrible assault, where we felt terrified, alone, uncertain about whether this drunken person actually kill you.
I turned my life around, freed myself from heroin, and became a psychologist like you, perhaps so I could make some sense of the terrible violence to which my abuser subjected me.