Ruth Crilly

Actually a very short line-up, because there’s just a cleanser (£5.75 here*, absolutely excellent) a Hydra-Prep Lotion (one step too many for me, but it does actually hydrate in quite a startling manner), a Deep-Treatment Serum (£8.11 here*, and again, startling in its effectiveness) and the Supreme Cream moisturiser (£9.83 here*). So there’s a membership fee and you need to choose your level of membership according to how much you want to spend per month, but the spend isn’t based on the cost of the product to members (so for the Supreme Cream, £9.83) If you wanted to buy this cream, then, you’d need the membership level that lets you spend £100 per month, which costs £10 per month in fees. Still miles cheaper than any cream I can think of that’s this good, and if you didn’t want the cream every month then the next month you might buy tinted moisturiser, or serum, or retinol products.

The man stretchered in from the ambulance with a hoover hose sticking out of his rear, the woman and the coke bottle, the lemon that was wholly stuck in an unholy cavity, like stuffing in a turkey; the stories of cucumbers and remote controls and Christmas baubles and Barbie dolls and things so utterly bizarre you have to wonder what an earth the person was thinking. But the thing that almost nearly happened to me last week (not even remotely a close shave but one must embellish for the sake of a good story) has taught me that no matter how unlikely a tale, we should always give people the benefit of the doubt. I mean if someone has a courgette retrieved from inside them and it’s wearing a condom, then that’s pretty clearly on-purpose. You’ll be pleased to know that my tale doesn’t involve a courgette (praise be) – it doesn’t, in fact, involve any object whatsoever because nothing actually happened to me.

It’s not as though I spend a lot, as most of it gets sent back, it’s more that my house is a constant sorting office of parcels, I use internet shopping for convenience, so that I can trawl vintage furniture sites until 1am and buy eight dresses in three different sizes, but actually it’s this convenience – the ease with which I can fill my trolley – It would be more time efficient if I skate-boarded to London using only back roads, did a shopping spree in the West End with one hand tied behind my back and then brought it all back on a donkey. Anyway, let’s not spoil the vlog: here’s my little roundup of the week’s doings, mostly concerning rain, rain and chickenpox.

I can’t see what all the fuss is about – even when they don’t look outrageously unflattering they still make a lot of people look like a Super Mario brother. Actually – retraction – the boilersuit wasn’t designed by sadists, it was first made, I’m sure, by very practical people to serve an important purpose which was to provide suitable workwear for people who require hardwearing garments. Let’s take a look at what makes a boilersuit a boilersuit, shall we? The main reason I didn’t want to go on the digger was actually that the builders hadn’t left yet and the idea of mounting the machinery wearing a bubblegum pink babysuit and leopard heels wasn’t that appealing.