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And that doesn’t make sense because I am a Christian and my family members are Christian so even though I don’t know the exact relationship that they had with Jesus at the time I have to have faith that I’m going to see them again. grief talking that I still apparently have stuffed down and haven’t realize that I have, unanswered closure things that I won’t know until I see the Lord and the fact that I won’t know bothers me…? It just feels like I’m at capacity of what I can handle without going bonkers, I don’t know… and the thing is once they grow older I’m going to have friends pass a way, family members pass away, people that I knew directly….

Ok I’m gonna do the laundry, I’m gonna clean the house every week , I’m gonna, make lists of things I am gonna do and keep focused! And when I had more time with dad, had more responsibilities, I felt almost more like a mom. I think part of me even kinda resented mom a little bit for “how little she was doing” in regards to his care in the long run.

He is an adorable southern gentleman and I love him, his name is Shayne and we’re both complete nerds and it’s amazing. He’s very high energy like I am Ironically I learned about a lot of new art programs that are free and open source because I accidentally lost the serial number of one of my other programs, so I somehow made a free upgrade to a program I like more I have been learning so many new things and it is been amazing.

Got to spend time at my first work party in my lovely steampunk gear. Started in the beginning with another work thing I got to go with mom to for the beginning of December. And of course the week of Christmas, we got to go to California to see my sister and brother-in-law! We got to go to Downtown Disney, we opened presents, we got to see the nutcracker too!