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I’ve been talking more and more through the Running in Silence presentations how little we’ve utilized them, how they’ve been undervalued/unappreciated, and how desperately we need them in a time that diet culture is making many people feel inadequate and, more often than not, suffer from eating disorders/disordered eating. If you are lured to eat a certain way, I highly recommend reflecting on how much food/eating takes up your life by adopting this way of eating. But if anything, through all the “lifestyle” diets I attempted and the eating disorder I recovered from, I’ve found the greatest benefit from meeting with a dietitian, and learning to eat plenty of nutrient-dense foods alongside other foods I enjoy that others may deem “unhealthy, It’s amazing to think back on my own experience—to remember how many times I refused to see a dietitian at first because I thought she would be appalled by how much I was bingeing on, or that she would force me to eat foods I didn’t want to eat (what I, at the time, deemed “unhealthy”).

It wasn’t until I was stripped of running due to an injury, and then many rough performances (all from the perfectionism of an eating disorder) that I began to see what a huge crutch running had been in my life–and without it, I felt I didn’t have much else left because the other things in my life had been neglected. But for the first time in my life, I realized it wasn’t the best end goal–striving to be my past self I realized that comebacks aren’t about winning races or being in the best shape of your life. From one athlete to another, I want to tell you that it is absolutely possible to find great joy in life beyond your sport–and see more in your identity.

During my last day in Boston this past month, I was excited to attend Matt Stranberg’s talk for Walden Behavioral Care Goals Program about how he works with athletes with eating disorders. He showed his clients the possible outcomes in their sport for choosing to try (or as he said, “experiment”) his suggestions for exercise recovery, or continue down the path they were on and possibly lose their sport for good through overtraining, injuries, etc. In fact, I had first learned about treatment centers for athletes when I found the McCallum Place Victory program Eating Disorders in Sports Conference and attended the conference in August 2017. And so I think back to that tempo run on the treadmill, leaving the gym with an unfinished workout, and feeling like there was nothing to turn to but my eating disorder (I thought restricting again would “fix” it all).

The first trip of the year for the Running in Silence nonprofit started off near Chicago, IL Friday January 11 with a presentation at the ITCCCA clinic—the Illinois coaching clinic that brought me in to speak for the second year in a row. The next day I was off to Boston for two more presentations at Dana Hall, an all-girls high school and middle school; this was a trip of back-to-back-to-back presentations addressed to coaches, then students, then parents! But coming back to Boston this year, I feel like I am finally getting the hang of things—from knowing what and how much to pack (and where in the suitcase to pack it–organization, organization, organization), to relaxing more about making it in time for flights, getting all situated with a rental car, and driving through Boston. I was especially thankful for the staff at Dana Hall, who reminded the students that they could step out of the talk if they felt overwhelmed, had counselors at the ready, and noted that the presentation sparked important conversations throughout the day after I left.