postpartumprogress.com

Last month in PEOPLE magazine Chrissy Teigen revealed that it was her lack of interest in food that made her realize she had PPD. For me, I kinda feel like I was lucky because I had intrusive thoughts, which are a GLARING sign that something is terribly wrong. They were something I couldn’t ignore or brush off as being part of the new normal as a tired and nervous mom of a new baby. I didn’t know, of course, at the time exactly what it was because I’d never heard of postpartum OCD but at the very least I knew I was going to need some kind of help

I don’t know if I hadn’t found the right thing for me. It’s as if we’re standing in the Gym of Motherhood with all the other mothers around us and instead of judging each other’s squats or situps or workout outfit against ours, we’re judging each other’s bathing skills, baby soothing skills, breastfeeding skills, parenting skills. I’m imagining being in a different Gym of Motherhood with Dan and Rach up front telling us it’s okay to TAKE THE OPTIONS. The mother on the other side of you is dressed and made up and her hair is perfect and she’s running around the gym with her baby talking to all the other moms like a social butterfly and you’re covered in spit up and haven’t showered in days and want to hide under a rock.

Accepted that as much as you are mad about it and don’t want it and don’t deserve it and are afraid of it, maybe you have postpartum depression. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t really suck sometimes, but there are plenty of things in life that really suck sometimes and the majority of them have nothing to do with mental illnesses. I don’t have to pretend it isn’t. C. S. Lewis Radical acceptance doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to be angry.

Depression (or anxiety) is a thief that comes up behind you and slugs you, just whams you one right in the spine, throwing you off center so violently you feel permanently tilted off your axis. When I don’t feel grounded I feel like a tumbleweed, the buffeting winds of life blowing right through me and around me as I fly this way and that, without control, confused, lost on my path and unsure of myself. It helps me pull out of my micro-focus on all the ways I feel bad or all the ways I think I’m failing and on all the small things that upset or worry me and I move my mind out to as big and as far away as I can think. For other ways to feel grounded, you might like this article from Psychology Today.