bombshell-to-be.blogspot.com

What I feel robbed of right now is not only the goodbyes I will no longer have, but the ability to feel safe and stable in my life. I don't know how to picture the good things that are coming when I really think the world will be altered significantly by the time this is all done. (Some things happening in the next 3 days: the temperatures will be warmer - kinder to step into when we go outside; we will have reached our first official week of isolation - anniversaries are always fun; someone important to me is returning to our town - and I don't have to think about when they're leaving again because it's not in the next 3 days!) Before I taught my first virtual yoga class on Wednesday, I had to practice active mindfulness and meditation (meaning I had to sit my ass on the ground, set a timer, and only focus on my breath) because I was on the verge of panicking.

By 17, when I tried to force myself to only "eat clean" which saw me tasting the soap that smelled like Christmas cookies in my shower because I was yearning to eat anything with taste, I would've been spending my allowance on Flat Tummy teas, appetite-suppressing candy, or a raw vegan fitness + workout plan that would see me eating only pureed celery and baby spinach on a workout plan that prioritized burning calories. Of all the things my messed up relationship with food took from me, the thing I've missed the most is being able to just enjoy food. I eat without thinking, purposefully watching a TV show or standing up at the counter, and this means I eat without paying attention to my body at all. I felt excluded from those spaces from the start (I mean, isn't the whole joke that Even still, every bite that I put into my mouth when I'm in public or eating with other people, I astral-project out of my body and view myself from what I assume their perspective to be.

Whether that’s going to the gym every day or drinking more tea, for one week you’re going to make that life a reality. At the end of the experiment the point is you can review the week and pick which habits you want to make stick and figure out which ones didn’t work for you." Elements of my ideal self: Feeling like the biggest failure since Netflix tried to convince us that Tall White Girls are a marginalized demographic, I started daydreaming (again) about what life would look like if only I could keep it together and stick to the Rules. I eat all kinds of things like raw green beans with Old Bay and hummus on naan rounds and pizza and fig newtons and pasta with vegan parmesan.

but I found that my friends really rallied around me and pushed me outside my study bubble through various friendship dates. (PS carpooling with your 'date' is solely of French fries; Amrita and I grabbed our go-to pints of Ben & Jerrys for the 5 hours we spent together in passing; my friend and I drove to Richmond on a Tuesday night to catch an author reading at the Fellow yogi Emma and I grabbed a quick dining hall meal a few days ago that consistedof French fries; Amrita and I grabbed our go-to pints of Ben & Jerrys for the 5 hours we spent together in passing; my friend and I drove to Richmond on a Tuesday night to catch an author reading at the cutest book shop and browse vintage clothing; Hank made impossible burgers and baked potatoes for us in his kitchen before my yoga class one Monday night. I was also enchanted by all of these encounters because instead of waiting for the weekend to have fun, I found myself having small "dates" in the middle of the week!