goodmotherproject.com

My husband, whose sister is a mere 14 months his senior, assured me having kids close together would be not only good planning (get those hard years out of the way) but also a good investment in their friendship (he counts his sister and her husband among his best friends). He (and therefore I) didn’t sleep more than 45 minutes at a time for the first two months of his life. When the first trimester nausea hit (so much worse this time around), and each morning I found myself sprawled out on the floor eating saltine crackers in front of Daniel Tiger with my son, who couldn’t even walk yet, I thought, How am I going to do this? When we learned my husband would have to deploy only a few weeks after starting his new job, Henry’s presence became not only an anchor to the present moment but the embodiment of hope in our family’s future.

For Leanna, Harlee’s first birthday was also a first step towards reclaiming her role as a mother and moving back into her child’s life. She couldn’t lift her daughter, and while she desperately wanted to reintegrate into Harlee’s daily routines, Harlee wasn’t ready to trust her mother and showed preference for her father. It’s hard knowing that I used to do it all, and now I can’t,” Leanna says. It’s just our thing and it’s enough to make me feel like I’m still her mom.

We cannot live a life free of heartache, pain and tragedy. We can choose to let the grief wash over us, feel it and continue to live in such a way that shows our gratitude for the life we have. Life happens when you press pause and you experience life just how it is right now. My brother, who wasn’t supposed to walk for six months and was back to work within weeks.